Lecey Looks Around…
Written by Elice Smith on September 20, 2018
What is a Whypipo?
A Whypipo is a special breed of Caucasion. You may have heard them referred to as Beckys and Chads as well. Those are the wealthy ones. You may also have heard them called Wal-Mart people or White Trash. Those are the poor ones. But they often have overlapping habits. I am going to help you in spotting Whypipo in the wild, identifying them, avoiding them, and what you should do if confronted by a wild Whypipo.
Not all white people are Whypipo but ANY WHITE PERSON CAN BE. Whypipo would never admit to being racist, but the N word is only a temper tantrum or perceived in a slight way. Whypipo, call the law on YOU for living in the neighborhood YOU have lived in your entire life just before THEY moved in. Let’s be really honest here. Whypipo will call the law on you for living, THEN burst into tears when the cops show up because THEY feel threatened. You’ve met many of them this past summer. These sentient blobs of mayonnaise will tell you with a straight face that they’ve never benefited from racism while ignoring the entire history of this country until the last 40 years or so. They will tell you they don’t understand why football players kneel and, in the EXACT SAME BREATH, will defend the First Amendment. Sometimes, they’ll have badly spelled or… just stupid tattoos. A Whypipo cub will often be the one that sings the N word with enthusiasm when it comes up in a rap song. An elderly Whypipo will often bemoan the passage of the, “Way Things Were,” and how, “Sensitive,” this generation is. As if their cheesecake-lookin-selves didn’t foam at the mouth over water fountains.
The most dangerous form of Whypipo is not the full on Racist. Full on Racist Whypipo are easily spotted and avoided. Look for Confederate Flags, Nazi Imagry, and less than the full compliment of teeth. Or a MAGA hat for the more well to do ones. No, the most dangerous form of Whypipo is what I call CAMOFLAUGED or CLOSETED Whypipo. Camo Whypipo are often so far in the closet that they don’t even recognize themselves as Whypipo. These will often be your educated, white, liberals. They will tell you they couldn’t possibly be racist because they, “Don’t see Color,” but will also give you, in excrutiating detail, the 18 different reasons that THAT black person should have complied with police. Or they’ll be the Whypipo who, “Love your Color,” so much that they must appropriate it at every chance and expect you to be cool with it. Expect a lot of, “Bruhs,” and “Gurlfrien,” out of these kind of Whypipo. Also, don’t be surprised when these Whypipo are more ignorant than anything. They often subscribe to strange beliefs, such as, “Black people don’t get head lice or feel pain the same way as white people.” More pitiful and sad than angering, but still ridiculously offensive.
When confronted by a Whypipo in the Wild, nonengagement is always best. This can be difficult, as the Whypipo will seek first your compliance or approval of their Whypiponess. If they do not receive compliance or approval from fellow Caucasions that are not forthcoming, they will escalate it in an effort to get a reaction. Often this escalation will come to the point of threatening or even calling in higher authorities to back up their Caucasity. At this point, one should take preemptive measures. Divest yourself of any weapons you may have, set your cell phone to record, and make sure your hands are visibly held away from your body. This decreases the chance of the uniforms who are showing up will not shoot you. Remember, engaging Whypipo is almost never a good idea. If you feel the overwhelming urge to throw hands, understand that this is exactly what Whypipo want. Then they can stand there and declare, “Behold, how I am wronged!” Better to catch video than catch hands. Remember, Twitter is FOREVER.
One always hopes to avoid unpleasant encounters. Unfortunately, with the unfortunate atmosphere of racism and bigotry we are living in, I felt I should take this opportunity to help everyone, black or white, in identifying and helping to keep our campus Whypipo free.